Something most of you might not know is that, at the beginning of this year, I was genuinely considering taking part in NaNoWriMo this year. However, as most of you do know, I’ve been in the middle of an epic duel against Writer’s Block for the past four months or so and it has been causing a lot of problems for me where my writing in concerned. I am finally making a little bit of progress in breaking the terrible spell that Writer’s Block cast upon me, and while this progress may be steady, it is also slow. There is no way I could possibly write a 50,000 word novel (or a 50, 000 word half-novel for that matter) in one month. Not in the condition I am in. If I was at my best, yeah. Maybe. But definitely not right now. And so, this is the sad reason why I will not be able to partake in NaNoWriMo this year, either. I will, however, use the NaNoWriMo spirit that will undoubtedly be floating around the air via internet to motivate myself into getting more writing done. I shall put out more chapters of I See Them Coming and Strays on The Run – and I shall finish Toxic Snow.
Which brings me to the other thing I wanted to talk about.
Alexis Frost was one of the first characters I came up with. I think I was 15 when I concocted this idea about a teenage assassin that could talk to animals – this brilliantly strong girl with a morality crisis. She came before Avery and the Night Cat gang. She, Archer, Milo, Mirah and Slick were the ones that actually got me to take a risk and take their story out of my head and put it into words – and I’d like to think I did an okay job with it. It’s true that Night Cat came out faster and more frequently, but that was mostly because it was more popular with the readers. I wrote Frost Poison, the first of The Black Widow books on the sidelines, posting only when I was satisfied. I was thrilled when I finished the first book, and was more than eager to begin the second one. But that’s where the problems started. No matter what I did and how far I progressed with the story, I kept hitting walls. Either Alexis and Archer weren’t acting how I wanted them to, or I was unable to give them proper conflict… the walls kept springing up. And finally it reached a point where I just didn’t have the mental strength to try and break those walls. It’s unlike me, really. I’m unbelievably stubborn when it comes to my stories. They are, as I like to call them, by babies. So, last night, I did some much needed reflecting and I finally realized why I was finding it so difficult to motivate myself to finish Toxic Snow. I’m not as passionate about it as I was back when I first started writing it.
Let me explain; I’d originally planned for TBW to be about Alexis’ struggle to draw a line in the sand when it came to protecting the people she cared about. That was her fatal flaw. She cared so much about the people in her life that she was willing to become a paid killer just to keep them safe. And because of who Alexis was – a girl who, like her father, didn’t believe that humans had the right to choose who lived and who died – this caused a lot of morality problems for her. She was eternally struggling to decide whether she was doing the right thing for the people she loved, always wondering if she was turning into a monster herself. I’d had the main story arc planned out in detail. Alexis was going to go through something huge that would eventually help her decide whether she was going to stay in the assassin business or leave it for good. She was going to find out why she could speak to animals. She was going to have her heart broken and she was going to mend it. But I ultimately got caught up in the subplots. Instead of focusing on the bigger picture, I focused on the little ones, and that led to me completely losing track of where Alexis’ story was going – and that my friends, is why I am no longer passionate about this story. Because this is not the story I started out to write. It escaped my grasp and unraveled in the wind. I had to make a tough decision last night – After Toxic Snow (which I fully plan on finishing) I am putting TBW series on hold.
For all you TBW fans, please try to understand where I’m coming from. I want to give you guys the best story of Alexis I can tell, and if I continue with this right now, I won’t be able to give you that. For now, I have no intentions of completely scrapping the series. I’m just going to put it on hold so that I can finish my other books and maybe, just maybe, once I’m done with those, I’ll revisit TBW and try to put the story back on its train-tracks. If by chance I cannot salvage the story, however, I will probably scrap it. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, okay?
For now, of course, I just wanted to give you guys a heads up without dropping a bombshell on you as soon as I wrapped up TS. I promise I’ll take another look at the story. But for the sake of my writing mentality and of the story, I have to take a vacation from the world of Alexis Frost.
PS: If you have any questions at all, you can contact me here, or on facebook or wattpad.